I probably won't be around and should not be due to medications and ... but as of late nothing has been going my way. I find myself complaining and being depressed. So I turned myself into the hospital. That was a nightmare as well as for the doctors talk crap about me for three days on no food to no iv's they keep putting me on harsh IV meds and my veins burn up, and I find myself not having any friends. A few nurses talk to me but mostly some thing want more, and I'm just not that type of person, I guess my introvrt kicks in and saves itself. I'm sick of everything really. My migranes have gotten worse, I haven't been able to sleep. i was happy for a bit, and then.. But its fine..I finally found a surgeon willing to work on me, but alas no one cares, my family is as always there but not there. Friends the same, I just find myself again in the cold and dark, i wouldn't mind so much if I had others who were loyal to me. But alas its life. I can always go out of my way for others, its just never ever going to happen for me that way I might as well except it. since..i always push myself, and well looks like i'll get to experiance my life in a wheel chair. who knows where i go from there, if i get any severe's that won't heal.. I understand the consequences, guess I'm still trying to be a tough kid and laugh it off. I have learned from my mistakes, your own children can stab you in the back, your own mother can leave you in hell, nothing else suprises me. I wanted to be positive. But its all really useless. fuck it, fight it, whatever.. i just can't win.. Surgeries soon yet I am scared of what might go wrong. spine fuck up, groin fuck up, or leg joints.. this is the surgery no one wanted to do, and i will have to see how it works out. I won't be in for a while unfortunately because i mostly won't be able to tell light from day, and when I do i'll have more issues then i needed. irony of life i always think I'm happy and then something completely fucked up happens. Get used to it. life's a bitch then you die. I'll have to give up my things to the staff at the hospital so. Thanks to evryone thats supported me. thank all of you who encouraged me. maybe someday i can come back, but by the looks of things I'm counting on living in the hospital for a couple months with physical therapy. Guess I'll know when i'll know whats up. bye all. take care and keep up your art works.
Sincerely,
Phoenix